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An Intimate Academic Evening with Malcolm McCreedy 2/5
Previous/Next (APPLAUSE. ZOOM PAN IN ON PROFESSOR FINSRAW AND DR. MCCREEDY) Announcer: We return now to; "An Intimate Academic Evening" with eminent thinker and Nobel-Custis Prize winning physicist Malcolm McCreedy. Brought to you by a partnership between our friends at New Media and ThinkCore Edutainment. Prof. Finsraw: Welcome back, students and viewers. We've already gained a great deal of fascinating insight into the mind of one of today's greatest thinkers, Dr. Malcolm McCreedy. (MCCREEDY SNORTS. HE PICKS IDLY AT SOMETHING ON HIS SHIRTFRONT) Prof. Finsraw: Doctor, before the break you were describing your time in the lab, perfecting the science that would eventually bring us the wondrous Liminal drive. McCreedy: If I recall correctly, I was talking about crapping. Finsraw: Ahh, certainly, but you were about to describe… McCreedy: The labs, yes. Finsraw: Could you describe for our students what you did there? It must have been exhilarating, the sense of collaboration, the sharing of so many great minds toward such a singular effort. (MCCREEDY STARES AT FINSRAW FOR SEVERAL SECONDS. HE BURSTS OUT LAUGHING. SCATTERED NERVOUS LAUGHTER FROM THE AUDIENCE) McCreedy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was thinking about something, ah, totally unrelated. Do that again. Describe the lab. Finsraw: Ah,of course. This is the Cookshaw Engineering labs, also known as the "Cookery", home to many of the sharpest minds… (MCCREEDY GIGGLES, STIFLING IT WITH A COUGH INTO HIS ARM) Finsraw: …and and most talented thinkers of our era. All assembled under one roof to make the next great advancements in science, physics, and engineering. (MCCREEDY CONTINUES TO MAKE NOISES INTO HIS ARM. HIS EYES WATER) McCreedy: Sorry. Yes. It's just…you put it so evocatively, Professor. Cookshaw Engineering, "Where Tomorrow Is Invented: Today!" (MCCREEDY SHAKES HIS HEAD AND SIPS HIS DRINK LOUDLY) Finsraw: Doctor, what insight can you give us into the lab, and your days working with it? McCreedy: Well, As you know, I have recently been…let's say strongly encouraged by various legal entities to sign a number of non-disclosure agreements, including a hilariously-named "Adherence to Ethical Truth in Public Statements" contract. So between you, your students, the several million—billion?—viewers, and Cookshaw's excellent legal representation, let me say that working at the Cookery was an experience, many things did or didn't happen, and I certainly have thoughts and feelings about it. (MCCREEDY LEANS OUT FROM HIS CHAIR, EXTENDING A "THUMBS UP" TO THE NEAREST CAMERA POD) Finsraw: Well, of course, we know that many of your experiences must be considered sensitive. McCreedy: I'll tell you what. Finsraw: Ah, okay. McCreedy: Let's say that there's this bakery that's run by mice. Finsraw: Ahhh… McCreedy: Big bakery. Has all the best equipment: gigantic, powerful ovens, the finest flours, fancy equipment. It's said that only the smartest mice in the whole village can work in this bakery. Finsraw: Mice? McCreedy: Yes. Keep up. So one day this new mouse gets invited to the bakery. He's extremely excited. And why not: it's the biggest in the village, has the best equipment. And he's terrified. Absolutely terrified by all of it. But he's full of ideas. Surely the other mice will be smarter than him, he thinks, but maybe he can at least contribute. Finsraw: Contribute to the baking? McCreedy: Correct. He has an idea for baking something new. Something unheard of…..I don't know, let's say croissants. Finsraw: Do mice eat croissants? (MCCREEDY STARES AT FINSRAW FOR SEVERAL SECONDS. HE SHIFTS IN HIS SEAT TO FACE THE AUDIENCE.) McCreedy: So the new mouse arrives at the bakery. "How can I help?" he says. The other mice say "We bake bread here. Help us bake better bread." The new mouse says, "Well, I can make this new thing called a 'croissant'. It's fantastic, people will love it." The other mice say, "Is it bread? We make bread here." "Well, no, it's something different." "Can it be turned into bread?" say the other mice. The new mouse tries to show them, but they just can't understand it if it's not bread. They keep trying to change it into bread, or use it to improve their bread, or find some way to apply it to breadmaking. They don't get that it's something different. It can change everything, take them down new theoretical paths and in new directions that no one has ever thought of. But they just don't get it, no matter how many times he explains it. They've been doing the same thing—baking the same bread—for so long, that they shrug, assume the new mouse just doesn't understand baking, and keep him away from the oven. Can you imagine how crushing that would be to the new mouse? Finsraw: I don't understand…how do the mice know how to bake? Aren't they too small? (MCCREEDY SQUEEZES THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE WITH ONE HAND. HE TAKES SEVERAL DEEP BREATHS, THEN TURNS BACK TO FINSRAW) McCreedy (IN SPEEDY, SING-SONG VOICE): Cookshaw labs was instrumental in the development of the Limnal drive, and I'm super stoked we could all come together as one big happy family and all contribute together etcetera and so forth. (MCCREEDY FINISHES HIS DRINK AND PLACES IT LOUDLY ON THE TABLE. FINSRAW SMILES BROADLY.) Finsraw: Well! How exciting! And is there any scuttlebutt you can share, just between us? Any stories of intrigue from within the lab? McCreedy: No. Finsraw: Pleeeease, doctor? Just a tidbit! McCreedy: I don't know. We hacked the vending machine's operating system at one point. Made it give out free soda. That was fun. Finsraw: Hah! Hijinks! More on the whole fascinating journey when we return. (APPLAUSE. ZOOM PAN OUT AS LIGHTS DIM ON THE CENTRAL DAIS.) Category:Datastick Messages